dreams and sobs

dreams and sobs
stuck fast in my throat
as i watch what i want
fade away.

it seems to easy to reach
to grasp tightly
within my fingers
and yet
and yet
it's too far away.

how can i stand
to watch everyone else
achieve their dreams
so peacefully?

i debate
climbing into bed
and hiding beneath
the duvet for a few days
until the world
looks a little bit
brighter.

a phone call

it's me.
i'm calling from a payphone
at a diner
somewhere in the middle
of arizona.
i know i haven't called
in a really long time
but i've never had
much to say.
the roads are good
and the oil's been changed
and i haven't fallen asleep
at the wheel.
i think about you
and what could have been
should have been
might have been.
well my time is almost up
i don't have any more change
the operator keeps cutting through
so i don't have long at all.
i don't know where i'm going
i don't know when i'll get there
i guess all i know for sure
is that i still love you.

Close to Home

Close to home
I cannot stay
Close to home
Feeling so far away.

I can’t return
To the comforts I once found
Hidden within
Your anger.

Close to home
I cannot sail
Close to home
Feeling so far away.

I’ve found a new path
Having been lost
In the ocean
Thrust before me.

The memories
Those memories
I left behind.

I go on believing
That this time
Is real
I’m just lost
In a feeling
Never knowing
The reason
As a child
Never knowing.

The path
Is wide open
But it’s closed
To me.
I can’t go down it
Again.
I can’t go back
Hidden
In your anger.

Close to home
I cannot stay
I’m so close to home
But I won’t come closer
Your anger
Pushing me away
Keeping me away
Leaving me safe
Yet so lost
With the ocean
Hiding the paths
To anywhere
I think
I should
Be.

sailing home

where are you?
why am i still waiting?

i feel so cold
the northern winds
chilling my soul.

my anguish is
screaming from the distant shores.

i've been waiting so long
for you.

my fears deep inside
are rising again
and i have no control

i run away

when will it be time to go?
when will you come for me?

i want so badly to go
home

the pounding of the ocean
as i follow the morning star
trying to sail home
to you.

the wind is so strong
so bitter
it hurts my lungs.

i'll keep sailing
across these oceans
until i find you
on the distant shores.

will you warm my soul?
fire up
my dwindling passion?

i'm barely hanging on
as i try to sail home
to you.

here i am
late again
surprised that
You didn't mind waiting.
i pull up a chair
to find You near
as i tell you
my heart is breaking.
You're always here
to calm my fear
that i am not suffering alone.
regardless of pain
You pull me in
I was always Yours
since the beginning.

Simplicity

it’s 4am,
and the sky is so gray,
so bleak.

the radio needs to be turned up,
so that i can hear it over the heavy breathing beside me.

10 more hours, 1000km to go
until my life begins
again.
i’ve thought through everything
every possible plan,
the nerves in my neck, hurting.
i need to make the best decision
the best choice,
to follow the right road,
like the road i’m on now.

my eyes shift from side to side
looking for signs
for obstacles,
to make me change my mind.

follow the yellow lines.

and the light hits me.
that bright pink light
fills the entire sky
at 4:23 am.
and the song is singing to me
about simplicity.
and the sun rises,
removing the fog from the road,
from my eyes,
and everything is clear
as light…

Cannot Be

you were kindled
a hot flame,
burning into
the black night.
my eyes attracted
to the brightness,
the colour
of your light.
i hovered,
i danced
around your fire,
fleeting,
about to miss,
coming in too close,
too intrigued,
i burnt myself
on your kiss.
my heart was pulled
in different ways
that i didn’t understand.

this cannot be.

so I dream of you
and what could be
and then
i snuff
you out.